January 2012
3 posts
Oh potholes, how I do not miss thee.
So, the journey to get here has not been easy. At all. My transcript clearly shows that there is a tale to tell, thus everyone who sees it looks up at me puzzled, and asks for the story.
It isn’t particularly new and perhaps not even particularly interesting. It is about a girl who was happy and loved without having to think about it. Take said girl out of sparkly bubble, place in an alien...
I never really liked musical chairs....
Such a stressful game for children. Everyone has a different strategy, going faster or going slower and of course this involves constantly bumping into each other. Why was overtaking not allowed?!?
Reason to be an adult #3 (Its a short list) You get to avoid music chairs and similar annoying games. Except when searching for a supervisor at the department of psychology. Seriously guys? I detect...
Plunging in....
I have the writing bug again! I suspect it bit me because I updated google reader and began to systematically follow my favourite blogs again. Briefly visited my earlier blog and its full of spam comments?! What is with that?
The craziness began on the road.
So I’m in the car, being driven back from Melbourne. Phone rings, honours supervisor’s number comes up.
Panic attack.
...
November 2011
7 posts
1 tag
The lifestyle
Watersport has tended to draw me. I think more than the football/ netball type stuff, it has a certain lifestyle around it, and with that lifestyle comes being practical, helpful and easygoing.
Spent most of this weekend Sailing! Saturday was unintended, but a friend messaged and said that he is going to go, and invited me along! Exactly what I had been waiting for… Rushed like a crazy...
Processing
I”m getting the hang of it - its a point between total focus and denial.
Today I felt incredibly rejected. So I ran away and am now staying by myself for a few days. Night One and it feels good, some much needed breathing space and solitude.
I could get used to this.
So, I think I feel like I’m surrounded by people I cannot trust and that I havent chosen them. I guess its a...
3 tags
Therapy.
One of my most vivid memories is as a 17 year old, turning to writing as therapy. Of course I didn’t know that at the time, ours was a culture where intense self analysis was the exception, not the norm.
I was in school. School is incredibly beautiful, with big stunning trees and green spaces intermingling with old open colonial style buildings. The previous night had been spent having sex...
2 tags
Trigger happy.
The last 3 years or so of high school for me involved a lot of sleeping and minimal classtime. I had a spinal injury, that was one big reason… but looking back now I suspect that merely provided the justification for processing time, I took that resource and ran with it. What was it that was getting resolved subconsciously? Or perhaps it was merely contained rather than properly addressed.
...
“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams beacause they that feel...”
– Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist (via quote-book)
“Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work...”
– Theodore Roosevelt (via quote-book)
1 tag
5,000 words that change the world.
When I write an essay for uni, I actually want to write poetry. Something beautiful and moving, which will make the reader cry and laugh and change their career in a moment of ecstasy.
Of course, after weeks of panicking, I eventually research and write said essay in a day, lacking time to edit it and hand it in because the sleepless, irritable, disillusioned me has given up on attaining even...
October 2011
1 post
3 tags
Random (pretty) stuffs.
There’s totally nothing wrong with writing about titbits which do not necessarily have context. Sometimes, the background is best left blurred, like a macro photograph.
I’m bored. Haven’t done any work ALL DAY. And I do not have this desirable commodity named time to begin with, so there is much self reproach, stress and sleepless nights waiting patiently around the corner for...
1 tag
“We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then is not an act but a habit.”
– Aristotle
“You should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because, when you do, it...”
– Eat. Pray. Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (via quote-book)
Positive attributions
I realised today that ‘hard working’ is something I perhaps used to see as a waste of some kind - opportunity, time, energy that could have been invested in being happy.
Now, however, that is a attribution I consider extremely positive and wish very much I could honestly allocate to myself. Until I gain this, I will always feel somewhat lacking.
To be fair, when it comes to some...
September 2010
2 posts
Choir of angels
This xkcd makes me worry. How the hell does this work? I’d very much appreciate a manual on what to expect, so that I don’t keep getting it wrong.
Every time I see a wedding [and I’ve reached the age where most weddings I come across are those of my peer group], my mind churns with thoughts of the many thousands of weddings that have taken place where the couple seem so happy,...
Terrified
I realised yesterday, for the first time I can recall, the thought of being alone with myself and my thoughts unnerves me. It has been several weeks since there has been alone time. Usually I go from person to person and I’m fortunate, there are always enough people. It looms in the background though, threatening to erupt in some destructive form. My decisions are not the best. As a result...
July 2010
4 posts
“I have no mercy or compassion in me for a society that will crush people, and...”
– Malcolm X, The Autobiography of Malcolm X (via thetimelime, lastchatwithphontaine) (via fatalistichues) (via quote-book)
2 tags
Roused.
www.ted.com is incredibly addictive, but tends to set my brain on fire in the best sort of way. Thus I require a break to allow for absorption.
My favourite for today is Charles Leadbeater:
Leadbeater noticed the rise of “pro-ams” - passionate amateurs who act like professionals. Prominent examples range from the mountain bike to the open-source operating system Linux, from...
2 tags
Complacency
Just began dipping into Freud’s ‘Psychology of Love’ with an introduction by Jeri Johnson, a Fellow at Oxford.
“Everyone knows that Freud changed everything. Freud changed everything by making everything about sex”
That first sentence sent streaks of indignation, rushing through me. This was quickly followed by a steady rush of anger. What an irresponsible...
May 2010
1 post
2 tags
Paralysis
I have an essay, already overdue which is obstinately refusing to write itself. No matter how much I ignore it, beautiful, meaningful sentences do not construct themselves out of nowhere.
Damnit.
I really should write more often. Fluidity of language and expression needs to be maintained by use; right now mine is rusty and groans under the slightest pressure.
April 2010
2 posts
2 tags
Vertical vs horizontal
sharing. Horizontal is when you recite events, facts, details stripped of emotion. Vertical sharing is tapping into and expressing only that which you feel and think right now. Experiencing intensely, sometimes painfully, the present state of your being.
It is hard. I struggle to release these un-analysed, uncensored feelings. But the whole point is to catch yourself at the raw, untarnished point...
1 tag
Safe house.
I like being his office nymph. In that little corner, curled up in the comfy big chair, there is laughter and kissing, comfort and challenge. Work gets done, cuddles get given, opinions clash and are worked through. It has become one of my happy places where the world cannot intrude unless I let it. A place for recuperating from the blows of the day or week.
I like him.
December 2009
2 posts
1 tag
Snapped
Photographs are such amazing things. Capturing a moment, a person, a mood, a relationship. An affectionate glance, two months before the heart-wrenching breakup. What happened? Where did that emotion dissipate to? Suddenly that person is no longer part of his life, no longer in his photographs or amongst his friends. Or a moment of laughter, completely forgotten two years later. But it’s...
“ I love her because, she moves in her own way”
– The Kooks - ‘She moves in her own way’.
The ultimate compliment
November 2009
15 posts
2 tags
The irrational heart
I miss someone I hardly know. Particularly the way he smiled at me with helpless amusement and called me a minx. I sense a heart as hesitant and wary as mine, tentatively hoping, not entirely sure what exactly it is hoping for.
1 tag
First date
What would happen if we kissed Would your tongue slip past my lips Would you run away Would you stay Or would I melt into you Mouth to mouth Lust to lust Spontaneously combust…
- ‘What would happen’ by Meredith Brooks
1 tag
“The uncompromising attitude is more indicative of an inner uncertainty than a...”
– Eric Hoffer
“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes...”
– Anaïs Nin (via quote-book)
3 tags
“If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to...”
– C.S. Lewis (via psychotherapy) (via quote-book)
1 tag
“Optimist: someone who isn’t sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is...”
– Robert Brault (via julie911) (via quote-book)
1 tag
Ultimate bitchiness
O.m.g. scary. This is why every single person needs to figure out what they love to do and do it. And be challenged every day. Tried my hardest to not hear the 30 non-stop minutes of self loathing concealed in bitching about co-workers. And I indirectly work with these people, yiiikes!
2 tags
11th November 2009; Tuesday
Watched a toddler climb a steep-ish grassy slope today. Looking up at the mother waiting for him at the top, initially with bold carefree steps, then more hesitant as the slope became steeper. Went too fast, did an awkward sideways cartwheel and face-planted. Sat there for a little bit, looking up. Got up and continued with caution. Towards the top he started crawling because it was so steep.
He...
2 tags
“He who is brave is free”
– Seneca (via reluctantbuddha) (via quote-book)
1 tag
Monday, 9th Oct 2009
Acceptance and dissent. Two states which do not often co-exist, yet today it did for me. In a crowd of lovely, opinionated people who barely know me, and disagreed strongly on an emotional subject relating to one of our mutual friends. Conflict without judgment. Felt incredibly relaxed and free being the only person on the other side of the fence. True intellectuals. Much love in the air.
2 tags
“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those, who do not...”
– Graham Greene (via bitchville) (via quote-book)
2 tags
“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
– Albert Einstein (via simtan) (via quote-book)
3 tags
Lately...
Motivation. Elusive. Tonight it visited, as it did last night strongly urged by panic.
Passion. I have found it, continue to find it but sometimes it is so easy to forget in between setting alarms and catching buses and job hunting and form filling and counting pennies [cents].
Breathing. So important for the soul.
2 tags
Not all who wander are lost
Sometimes I forget this fact.
Photo from:http://blacklovelock.deviantart.com/art/Lost-52319225
October 2009
1 post
2 tags
10th Oct 2009: Tuesday
pro•duct•ive /prdktv/ adj.
1. measure of output from a production process, per unit of input.
2. doing or achieving a lot fruitful: a productive meeting My time spent in the library was very productive.
Yes it was :) Such a good feeling, confidence in my ability to be vaguely intelligent.
March 2009
6 posts
2 tags
Disconnect
I am not meant to walk away from that conversation unaltered. Yet as I glance across at you, thick glass separates your emotions from my reactions, leaving strange silence on my side, like at the departure gate of the airport where all communication is physical. We don’t have the physical, it’s just you me and two computer screens so it’s just… silence. Your mouth is moving...
Happy.
It’s nice to have a little sheltered spot on the internet for entirely my own. Somehow once people know about the blog, it ceases to belong purely to you, the connections that will inevitably be made contaminates forthrightness, especially for a chronic self doubter. I am jealous of the people who can write at length about themselves, seemingly unhindered by humility, but then is humility...
February 2009
7 posts
Valentine 09
I just spent the day trying to think of ways to leave you. And then came home to a bouquet of flowers, not roses, so you did listen to me. I think this makes me a bad person.
When will you ever have more time than you do...
After a nap? No?
1 tag
Manslations - 3 types of players →