The last 3 years or so of high school for me involved a lot of sleeping and minimal classtime. I had a spinal injury, that was one big reason… but looking back now I suspect that merely provided the justification for processing time, I took that resource and ran with it. What was it that was getting resolved subconsciously? Or perhaps it was merely contained rather than properly addressed.
Anyway, now (thanks to my psychology degree and G) I am more acutely aware of some of the inner/outer turmoil occuring. I am incredibly grateful for this, it has added an element of sanity where there was haze and murky, unattended feelings.
I thought psychological triggers would appear in some form of rainbow flavoured burst of understanding: X event occurs, M emotion is felt, Y association is made and it is all beautiful. A walks away with insight into her psychological makeup and reactions and is strengthened by this experience.
Fuck.
Want to know what really happens?
X event occurs, there is emotional withdrawal, the conversation/event continues as per normal, there is some superficial resolution in that situation enabled by said emotional withdrawal.
A walks away feeling good, then, a few minutes later realises there is murky something happening: is it M? is it L? is it OULJDF? A talks to G, uncovers some stuff, feels much better. A says ‘oh, I am too busy to resolve this with said person just yet but I am ready’. A wanders off and occasionally thinks about X, feels more emotions too unrecognisable to assign an initial to, let alone a name.
One month later, while A is taking books out of her car, she realises that X actually triggered λ a significant event/emotion from a long time ago.
A feels empowered but now is physically exhausted and wishes all this could happen after her exams instead of just before.
